Life & Parenting

Lonely vs Being Alone

My kids often go away for long weekends to visit my husband’s family who are less able to travel. They go every other month and it’s frequent enough that I stay behind to watch the cats, man the house and get a bit of downtime. It’s like a little vacation for all of us and puts us in a better place when they return. But, inevitably, they feel bad for leaving me. They ask, “will you be lonely without us?” I giggle and say “no, you’ll understand when you get older that the time apart is healthy and being alone doesn’t always feel lonely.” In fact it often feels quite good to have the head space to focus on your own needs for a moment in time. Not that I’m sitting around eating bon bons while they’re gone. I’m still doing piles of laundry, picking up the house, getting groceries, running errands and prepping food.  But, by saying “focus on my own needs,” I just mean clearing my mind from the constant noise that goes with having a family. From actual noise – questions, talk, music, gaming, social media, videos, TV, AC, humming, thunderstorm sounds, beeping, buzzers – to noise in my head – deadlines, schedules, reminders, meal prep, to dos, service needs, budgets, tuition, aging parents, family drama, church, community, social media, the Jones’ — it’s hard to get free, particularly in the summer with everyone in the house or around with different schedules and needs.

It’s a common story, probably alone time is less for most. But, I’m grateful when it comes and grateful when they return. Thank you to my family for giving me that time and for away-from-home family for allowing it to happen. I realize it’s special. I hope you all have those moments where you have time to breathe and think or re-set and refresh. With my alone time I like to catch up with my parents or a friend, organize my thoughts, stretch, walk the extra mile, get myself a coffee. But, honestly, the best part for me is not doing the dishes a single time when they’re gone. I just tuck them into the dishwasher and hit start when they’re on their way. I try to stay away from my command center in the kitchen as much as I can when they’re gone. 

Parent's Weekend

We just got back from Parent's Weekend and boy was it fun. I don't know what precisely made it so special, but maybe it had something to do with us settling into this business of being parents to college kids. When I caught our oldest grumbling about how much time it took us to get from place to place on account of the conversations, I realized how much I loved and probably missed that community of kids' friends and their parents. I loved meeting the kids and their parents, learning about new places and things and feeling the warmth of a common bond for this new shared experience among our kids and their school.

Something has definitely shifted though from the Parent's Weekend of 20 years ago to now. It feels like, at least for our kids, the weekends were more about getting off campus than showing off campus. While the University had some programming for the weekend, it seems to have centered around the tailgate and football game as the main event. Other than that and the campus stroll with room tour, we were queueing at restaurants, hitting the town, shopping for room gadgets and clothes and bumping into students everywhere but campus. 

I guess what made it so special though was quality time as a family where our daughter was hosting instead of us. It was her place and town and uni. Her time and friends and food choices. Maybe that's when you really begin to feel the shift from parent to participant. But, I have to say I really like this new role as friend to grown kids who are out in the world, living their lives, making good choices and pressing on.

What have your Parent's Weekend experiences been like?